Mike put this up on his blog a few days ago, but it’s well worth repeating and publicising. Cassetteboy is another group of fun-filled pranksters like JOE, who produce satirical videos by carefully editing the speeches and actions of the great and not-so-good so that they appear stupid and nonsensical. They’ve done this yet again to our unfunny, murderous Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, to reveal how stupid, cruel and massively unjust his government and its policies are. They’ve edited it so that he’s reciting a description of his failings and injustices to the tune of MC Hammer’s ‘Can’t Touch This’. Which, due to Johnson’s own massive deceitfulness and mendacity, has been changed to the chorus ‘Can’t trust me’.
The video begins with Johnson repeatedly stammering out ‘My, my, my’ and then
‘My Brexit is so hard
Makes you say
“Oh my word.
What about my job security?
Sick pay, healthcare and the economy?”
These are the things
You need to discuss
When I say
“Brexit won’t hurt you much!”
Remember the lies on the side of a bus,
I am a guy who you can’t trust.’
There then appears the caption ‘Sacked by the Times for lying’.
He goes on, singing
‘Can’t trust me.
Then another caption ‘Sacked from the Shadow Cabinet for lying’.
Can’t trust me.
I promised thousands more police
But that’s less than we already cut.
If you trust me you must be off your nut.
I lied to the Queen to get Parliament shut.
I say the Tory party ‘Is the party of prosperity
But not for the 130,000 people killed by our austerity.
Nor for disabled people robbed of money and their dignity.
Or the millions of children our policies
Have left in child poverty.
Are those kids mine? probably not
But I won’t admit how many I’ve got’
Another caption here, ‘Wont admit how many kids he has’.
‘Can’t trust me’.
Then another caption: ‘Lied to the Queen to illegally shut down Parliament’.
‘Can’t trust me’.
‘The planet now is burning at a terrifying rate
And I don’t even turn up to the climate change debate.
And now let me say this, two of my biggest disgraces
Are of course that I’m homophobic and a racist.
Stop. Stammer time.’
The video then moves into footage of Johnson stuttering and stammering away, under which appears another caption, (Affected waffle, disguising genuine lack of preparation, competence and decency).
‘Stop. Stammer time.’
One more thing before this ends,
You don’t judge a man’, and the next voice is that of Donald Trump, completing the sentence, ‘by his friends’.
‘Our standards will fall with a bump as I align us all with Trump,
Allow the NHS to fail and off it to Trump for sale.
It will no longer belong to you though I say
That’s not what we’ll do.
Is that true? Here’s one way of proving if I’m lying
if my lips are moving.
Another caption: ‘Won’t apologist for racist and homophobic comments.’
‘Can’t trust me.’
And then the screen is filled with text showing his various failed and harmful policies.
‘Can’t trust me’.
The richest have tax loopholes
While schools can’t afford loo rolls.
We’ve failed the NHS and left the country in a mess and
To the best to fix it are myself and Rees-Mogg
Is like expecting dog shit to be cleaned up by the dog.’
The video ends with a black screen on which the slogan ‘Vote Boris Out’ is written in white text. There’s then the Cassetteboy jingle, the sound of someone sighing or snoozing, and a final scene of Johnson making a throat-cutting gesture at LBC.
The dialogue’s invented, but everything it says is true.
Vote him out!
Here’s the video.
